My Kids are Failing School (And I’m Proud of Them)

I suppose when my child brings home a 52 on a test, I should feel ashamed. I should push him to study more. I should devote more time to his education. I do do all those things, but mostly I feel proud.

You see, my twins are in a Chinese public school after living the first 5 years of their lives in the US not speaking much Chinese besides farting words and watermelon. After a year of immersion in a nursery school, then pre-school, they entered primary school.

They’ve tolerated it very well, even thrived. Yet we constantly battle the high expectations that most parents have of their children – understandably in an overpopulated country. Fortunately for us, as bilingual kids with a US passport, they will have plenty of opportunities in life so we can be relaxed.

Don't get me wrong, we do expect them to be constantly learning. So when they bring home a semester report card with a 100 in English, 92 in Math (amazing by itself considering the emphasis on math here and that problems require reading Chinese) and 50 in Chinese, I’m quite okay with that.

Chinese Education in Action

Last week the twins’ school had an open house, which of course we found out about a few days before and had to rearrange our work schedules. We took turns in each class, with me sitting in on Ethan’s during the math lesson.

Sitting there watching him squirm in his seat as others sat erect with their arms folded as instructed, I wondered if he was really ready for real school. It didn’t surprise me that he wouldn’t raise his hand to answer questions (or rather did only a couple times and very half-heartedly) - as in any school there are those who always raise their hands and those who don’t and his Chinese is still behind. Still, the teacher tried to call on everyone fairly (at least when parents were watching) and when Ethan didn’t raise his hand, she called him up to answer a question. He stood there still squirmy but listening and he answered the question correctly and loudly enough to meet her standards.

I decided he will do fine for now. During the usual lecture to parents part of the morning, the teachers listed the names of those who were doing well (not sure how that would go over in a US classroom) and both of their names made the list (although I may have misunderstood and those are the kids doing well in English!). I’ve heard that they sometimes use them as examples for other students who don’t get their homework done, as in “look, they have two and they’re still learning Chinese and they still do their homework”. We don't worry about grades at this point, just that they are learning - a 62 in Chinese, a 94 in English is normal (though I wonder how Ethan can miss the difference between a rabbit and tiger in English!) .

I only got to see Isaac in action during art class. The teacher put up all these nice pictures of cakes and things made of playdough and went through all the instructions for making the different shapes. So most of the kids made these small round shapes and little balls and some made some very intricate patterns and designs. Isaac, well, he made a big lump of what most people thought was an airplane but was in fact supposed to be a lizard. I was kind of cringing waiting for him to be told that wasn’t what he was supposed to be doing, but other parents appeared to be impressed, even taking pictures. And when five students were called up to get recognition, he was one of them. I was glad to see thinking outside the box rewarded. And I was also glad he knew how to say lizard in Chinese, because I wouldn’t have been able to help there!

Adventures in Chinese Education: Part 1

A big part of the reason we moved back to China was for the kids to assimilate with the local culture and language. After a first year that included a local nursery school and then preschool, the 6-year-old twins were flung full-on into our local public primary school this fall.

If I weren’t already accustomed to life in China where everything seems to be treated as a state secret, it would have been more challenging. The start date was moved at the last minute and then after being told orientation would last three days, we found out on day 1 it was only one day.

And on that first day, finding out we were to attend a parent orientation. Jack happily took off for work, leaving me to fend for myself as the only foreign parent in a mass of parents taking notes to learn everything about this important step in the life of their, in most cases, only child. I was left there worrying every time the parents started writing that I was missing something important, but also pleased with myself with how much I understood.

Probably the only-child culture makes the orientation parent lecture more of a necessity. And also the Chinese educational system. Somehow I didn’t find it reassuring to be told that my child might complain about being treated badly, but to rest assured the teachers were all doing a fine job. “This isn’t kindergarten anymore”, we were told, “so give them a month to adjust before complaining”.

We were also given instructions to make sure they sleep enough, don’t watch TV until homework has been finished and other obvious, though not always practiced, advice.

But I also have to say I have so far been pleased both with the grades they are getting (even if one gets about 10 more points behind the other and struggles with homework) and the teachers’ seemingly patient attitudes, assuring us the one that is lagging more is still doing just fine and not to worry. I expected to get more lectures about making him work harder or how his behavior is to blame or some such.

A Tiger Mother in Action

My husband, and sadly a room full of kids including my own, recently witnessed an event that makes Amy Chua seem more like a kitty mom.

There are three girls in my twins’ preschool class. Apparently two of them like to bully the other. This involves scratching her with pencils. Yes, that’s bad but so far no real injury at least. So…Jack goes to pick up our boys one day after one such incident happened. The bully’s mother arrived and was told what happened.

When her daughter denied it, she proceeded to yell and beat her quite violently. Other parents and staff intervened and sustained minor injuries. Some kids ran out crying because they were scared. Eventually the mother settled down and cried about how hard it was to control her daughter and her daughter’s lies.

Okay, so, so far this is something sad but it could happen anywhere. What happened next is what’s interesting. Virtually all the parents witnessing this event said, “Wow, I thought I was bad”.  And, in fact, in some ways sympathized with the mother. In other words, getting angry with their children is the norm. And not just the norm, but considered okay. 

I don’t know if it’s that they don’t consider other methods effective. Maybe it’s the pressure of a one-child highly competitive society. I don’t think the level witnessed is the norm, and certainly many times I witness much patience and kindness. It’s not my culture or place to judge, though I wonder how this attitude that my husband sometimes has as well will play out as the boys start primary school.

Why Chinese Potty Training is Superior

Just after starting Chinese-style potty training with our 2-year-old toddler in Beijing, it became clear we’d unleashed a monster. His brothers were just 3 and not potty trained when we visited China and they took to peeing on streets and rocks with great relish. It seems, surprisingly, their brother is related.

Decked out in newly cut slit pants, the first time he accidently peed on the playground in our courtyard it took him by surprise. He recovered quickly and headed to every puddle and rock that caught his attention and tried to squeeze every last drop out.  I’m hoping he will soon contain his enthusiasm and be able to wear real pants or pull ups. He does miss having the cushioning when he falls.

Still, I’m not complaining and he is more cautious indoors. There’s something to be said for Chinese potty training and now I think we could have started earlier with the “elimination communication” that goes along with it for younger ones. And while the potty boot camp method we did use is gaining popularity in the States as well, doing it in China where you aren’t constrained to your house has its advantages. 

My travel "hit & miss" list: The good here and there

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING IN THE US (suburban Texas to be precise)

Not the only one at the supermarket with a full cart – and no old ladies commenting that two loaves of bread is “so much”.

Strangers smile and say “hello” and it’s not because I’m white.

(Most) Strangers also don’t give their opinions on how my children are dressed, or whether they’re big/small, should be potty trained, etc…

Drivers actually stop for small children (and even adults!).

Awesome and free playgrounds! (not to mention affordable public pools)

Family, of course! And good home cookin’ (not to mention cook-ies!) J

Donuts!

WHAT I MISS ABOUT CHINA

Chinese food

Nanny! And cleaning lady! And driver!

Good public transport and cheap taxis

Plentiful and cheap produce

The relatively easy life and employment for foreigners…

The unpredictability of life and work…

The World is Quite Enough

Like many kids, I used to dream of space travel. But three flights and 24 hours of travel with kids later, I realize travel on my home planet holds enough adventure for now.

We were blessed to have the two seats next to us vacated on our 11-hour flight. 23-month-old Joshua loved having his own seat and was quite possessive of it at first. Of course he quickly decided all the seats were for climbing around. As expected, no activities kept him happy for a long time, but the snacks in the back of the plane were a godsend. And he of course charmed everyone he ran into. He believes everyone exists for his entertainment, and fortunately people seem easily convinced this is true.

I should have better planned more activities for the almost 6-year-olds though. They had books, drawing paper, and new magazines but kept asking what they could do. We were disappointed to find the plane had no personal video screens – those would have been a great aid, but Delta was otherwise a good experience.

Now we are dealing with middle of the night wakings and already dreading the return flight and adjustment. But we are also looking forward to our Texas adventures, time with family and all the free activities the San Antonio Visitors’ Bureau has helped us arrange. Woo hoo!