A Tiger Mother in Action

My husband, and sadly a room full of kids including my own, recently witnessed an event that makes Amy Chua seem more like a kitty mom.

There are three girls in my twins’ preschool class. Apparently two of them like to bully the other. This involves scratching her with pencils. Yes, that’s bad but so far no real injury at least. So…Jack goes to pick up our boys one day after one such incident happened. The bully’s mother arrived and was told what happened.

When her daughter denied it, she proceeded to yell and beat her quite violently. Other parents and staff intervened and sustained minor injuries. Some kids ran out crying because they were scared. Eventually the mother settled down and cried about how hard it was to control her daughter and her daughter’s lies.

Okay, so, so far this is something sad but it could happen anywhere. What happened next is what’s interesting. Virtually all the parents witnessing this event said, “Wow, I thought I was bad”.  And, in fact, in some ways sympathized with the mother. In other words, getting angry with their children is the norm. And not just the norm, but considered okay. 

I don’t know if it’s that they don’t consider other methods effective. Maybe it’s the pressure of a one-child highly competitive society. I don’t think the level witnessed is the norm, and certainly many times I witness much patience and kindness. It’s not my culture or place to judge, though I wonder how this attitude that my husband sometimes has as well will play out as the boys start primary school.

Why Chinese Potty Training is Superior

Just after starting Chinese-style potty training with our 2-year-old toddler in Beijing, it became clear we’d unleashed a monster. His brothers were just 3 and not potty trained when we visited China and they took to peeing on streets and rocks with great relish. It seems, surprisingly, their brother is related.

Decked out in newly cut slit pants, the first time he accidently peed on the playground in our courtyard it took him by surprise. He recovered quickly and headed to every puddle and rock that caught his attention and tried to squeeze every last drop out.  I’m hoping he will soon contain his enthusiasm and be able to wear real pants or pull ups. He does miss having the cushioning when he falls.

Still, I’m not complaining and he is more cautious indoors. There’s something to be said for Chinese potty training and now I think we could have started earlier with the “elimination communication” that goes along with it for younger ones. And while the potty boot camp method we did use is gaining popularity in the States as well, doing it in China where you aren’t constrained to your house has its advantages. 

My travel "hit & miss" list: The good here and there

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING IN THE US (suburban Texas to be precise)

Not the only one at the supermarket with a full cart – and no old ladies commenting that two loaves of bread is “so much”.

Strangers smile and say “hello” and it’s not because I’m white.

(Most) Strangers also don’t give their opinions on how my children are dressed, or whether they’re big/small, should be potty trained, etc…

Drivers actually stop for small children (and even adults!).

Awesome and free playgrounds! (not to mention affordable public pools)

Family, of course! And good home cookin’ (not to mention cook-ies!) J

Donuts!

WHAT I MISS ABOUT CHINA

Chinese food

Nanny! And cleaning lady! And driver!

Good public transport and cheap taxis

Plentiful and cheap produce

The relatively easy life and employment for foreigners…

The unpredictability of life and work…

The World is Quite Enough

Like many kids, I used to dream of space travel. But three flights and 24 hours of travel with kids later, I realize travel on my home planet holds enough adventure for now.

We were blessed to have the two seats next to us vacated on our 11-hour flight. 23-month-old Joshua loved having his own seat and was quite possessive of it at first. Of course he quickly decided all the seats were for climbing around. As expected, no activities kept him happy for a long time, but the snacks in the back of the plane were a godsend. And he of course charmed everyone he ran into. He believes everyone exists for his entertainment, and fortunately people seem easily convinced this is true.

I should have better planned more activities for the almost 6-year-olds though. They had books, drawing paper, and new magazines but kept asking what they could do. We were disappointed to find the plane had no personal video screens – those would have been a great aid, but Delta was otherwise a good experience.

Now we are dealing with middle of the night wakings and already dreading the return flight and adjustment. But we are also looking forward to our Texas adventures, time with family and all the free activities the San Antonio Visitors’ Bureau has helped us arrange. Woo hoo!

Reflections on a Chinese Wedding

We recently went to Jinan in Shandong Province for the wedding of Jack's cousin. It was my first experience with a Chinese city wedding and it left me thinking, “identity crisis”. Or perhaps I should say, it was a Western wedding with Chinese characteristics. There was a wedding march of sorts, but it was into a hotel banquet hall. It was set up on a stage that resembled more a catwalk than a church aisle. There was an emcee instead of a minister, “I do”s but also long speeches. People seated at tables with snacks and drinks like they were watching a show.  

The couple arrived with a bang, literally, in a convertible with painfully loud fireworks. The groom was wearing a pink dress shirt, though somehow it suited him. The bride changed costumes several times during the day. And after all the fuss by my friends over what I would wear, the groom’s side of the family were wearing simple slacks and polo shirts, shiny pajama-like clothes and such.  The bride’s side was much more smartly dressed. The family actually seemed little involved besides speeches by the fathers. No big wedding party participating in the ceremony.

It also made me think, at least for the father of the groom, that this sort of Chinese wedding is also an excuse to drink for two days. Nevertheless, despite the constant eating and toasting, it was still enjoyable. In any culture it’s fun to watch a new couple begin their new life.

For all the mamas

In honor of Mother's Day. I wrote this when the twinkies turned one.

Who Says You Can’t Go Home?

I do

If home is:

Staying out til 2 a.m. partying

And sleeping til noon

Enjoying a carefree dinner

And a movie

Jetting off to a beach with friends

And drinking sangria every night

Being able to save money

For that big-screen TV

Telling your friend

You’ll be right over

Being alone, really alone

With no one to worry about but yourself

Who wants to go home?

I don’t

If home is:

Not waking up at 2 a.m. to hold you

And napping at noon

Not seeing that first step

And getting that first kiss

Not being “stuck” at home

Drinking juice with you

Not watching your face light up

Over a new toy, or book

Having no one

Who needs you at home

Being alone, really alone

With no one to worry about but yourself

Dyeing to fit in

BEFORE

I just had my hair dyed. Yes, it needed it – my white roots were quite standing out. But the real motivating factor was the imminent arrival of the aunt/uncle-in-law. If I have any white hairs, I will never hear the end of it, or Jack will never hear the end of how he’s married an old lady.

AFTER

Plus, we are headed to the wedding of Jack’s cousin, and as my neighbor gleefully informed me, I will be more of a star than the bride. That actually makes me feel sad. It’s possible the bride might be quite happy about that and feel she is gaining some face, but I don’t enjoy it. Said neighbor also suggested I should be the best dressed there as I will be “representing America” to people who will never meet other Americans. I’m still leaning toward a bit more understatement, rather than actually risking looking ridiculous.

And frankly, I’m also relying on my kids to draw most of the attention.